He will turn the hearts of parents to their children and the hearts of children to their parents, so that I will not come and strike the land with a curse. [Malachi 4:6, NRSV]
A hole in the heart best filled by quality time spent by often-absent parent with the children.
Years ago, someone wrote somewhere (we have since forgotten) words to the effect that busy fathers have a hole in their souls that match the size and shape of the hole in the souls of their children from whom they were often absent. Not only was that insight stunning when we first read it, but since then its deep truth has repeatedly stunned us through the many stories that have unfolded before our very eyes in real life family settings. A series of touching stories that harps back to the same truth has been virtually carved onto our consciousness . Here are three of those stories.
1. “May I Be Your Customer?”
A young father in Taipei runs a successful export trade but he hardly had time for his two very young children during the week. On Sunday morning, he was all dressed and ready to leave the house, a briefcase in his left hand and car keys in his right hand.
His little girl ran up to him and said, “Daddy where are you going? Why are you going out without taking us? You promised to take us to the zoo today.”
The young father replied, “Oh, darling, daddy is so sorry, daddy forgot. Daddy has very important customers from Japan waiting in the hotel. Daddy has promised to meet them this morning. I’m sorry I must go. But daddy promise to take you to the zoo next week, okay?”
The little darling stood there, holding daddy’s hand, looking up to him in her big round eyes and said, “Daddy, can I be your customer?”
That simple and most innocent question stunned her daddy to his senses. His heart melted. In a flash of revelation, he had a glimpse of the hole in the soul of her daughter – a hole that matched the hole in his own soul in shape and size due to his frequent absence from home on account of business. His little darling girl so desperately wanted to spend time with daddy on Sunday that she would do anything to keep him around – including volunteering to become his “customer” if that was what it took, never mind if she did not have a clue what being a customer meant. Right there, the question flashed across his consciousness: What had he allowed the busyness of the “city” done to his young family and himself?
He had to do something to change that.
Putting down his briefcase, he did the most “stupid” thing a businessman in Taiwan would do. He phoned two “workaholic” Japanese businessmen waiting in a Taipei downtown hotel, to cancel the appointment. You don’t do that; you just don’t do that – cancelling an appointment on a Sunday with two Japanese businessmen who came all the way from Japan to do business with you. But, suddenly inspired to do the right thing by his children on their Sunday, this young daddy courageously did what he knew would be the right thing, however outrageous it might seem.
He apologized to the two Japanese businessmen and explained what happened. He had forgotten that he had made a prior promise to take his children to the zoo! He did not want to ruin their Sunday. He must be with them. So, he called to cancel this business appointment.
Lo and behold! After hearing him, the two Japanese businessmen said it was quite alright, that they understood very well, for they too had children of their own and would dearly prefer to be back home with them. So they readily re-scheduled their meeting for the following morning and wished the young Taiwanese father a good time with his family at the zoo!
2. “My Daddy Is Back. I Am So Happy.”
A primary school girl has been suffering silently, inside.
All this time, it is mommy who drives her to school and takes her back from school. She sees her classmates with their daddy’s and how she wishes her own daddy is around to take her to school as well. But he never shows up, even on school’s annual open day. There is a bleeding hole in her soul made by her absentee father. But where is daddy? Mommy says daddy is in another town now and has set up another home there. “So daddy is loving other children now? But what about me? Doesn’t daddy love me anymore?”
One day, she returns home from school and sees daddy waiting in the house. She feels over the moon. She has her dinner and then goes upstairs to her room. Mom and dad stay in the kitchen and talk for a long time. She sleeps very well this night, comfortable in the thought that daddy has come back for good. “My daddy is back. He will take me to school tomorrow. I am so happy.”
The following morning, she comes downstairs excited over a bright new beginning for the family, only to find that daddy has gone. This time, mommy says, daddy is never coming back again. He was here last night to finalise the divorce arrangements.
The little girl bursts out crying. She cries and cries. She cries so much that her eyes are swollen and she cannot even go to school today. There is a great big hole in her soul. What great evils we adults do to our little innocent children while pursuing our selfish agendas in life.
3. “I Used to Think My Father Was Very Lazy!”
Johnny is the third of three sons, but he has no playmates because his two older siblings were quite a few years older than him and so have their school programmes. In any case, they would hang out with kids their age rather than with this small fellow. They certainly would not want to be reduced to baby-sitters.
Johnny’s dad is a physician with his own private clinic. Seeing his small son quite alone, he took a decision to close down his clinic on Thursday afternoons, so he could keep Johnny company. They would visit the zoo, walk in the park, feeding ducks in the pond. Johnny could see that other small children were accompanied by their moms or grandparents. The reason was obvious: their dads must all be busy at work. So Johnny actually felt a little embarrassed that his dad was so lazy that instead of working in the office, would play with him in a park. But when Johnny told his older siblings about what he thought, he was roundly scolded by them: “You stupid boy. Dad makes a big sacrifice every Thursday afternoon to keep you company so you need not feel alone. Don’t you understand that?”
Years later, Johnny became a successful professional himself. In one of his public speeches, he paid tribute to his father, praising his greatness for making the sacrifices for him.
Busy parents ought to take serious note of the hole in their souls and those of their children. Making the same call, Pope Francis encourages parents to “waste” time playing with their children, keeping them company, playing with them, dialoguing with them. Parents must spend time socializing with their children. There is no automatic connection with children; parents need to work at it.
Instead of focusing too much on business success and personal leisure, the key to lasting fulfillment might be in a well-balanced family life. Busy fathers, especially, must remember to come home. Even more, they must bring their hearts home! Children need shelter and food on the table, but they need the loving presence of their parents too. Parents, to be sure, need to make money. Equally important, they must make memories – good memories that would last a life time.
Copyright © Dr. Jeffrey & Angie Goh, September 2014. All rights reserved.
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