You show me the path of life.
In your presence there is fullness of joy;
in your right hand are pleasures forevermore. [Psalm 16:11, NRSV]
Amoris Laetitia – the Joy of Love – is the fruit of the lengthy synodal process called by Pope Francis that sought to involve adults in the global Catholic Church between 2014 and 2015. This post-synodal exhortation, well in keeping with the Pope’s characteristically pastoral and nonacademic style, aims to encourage Catholics to undertake a particular activity – to celebrate and promote the love and joy of family life.
The Pope is addressing us as adults. Let’s live an adult faith; we are dealing with flesh and blood here; let’s be concrete and real.
Based as it is on the two-year synod that was tasked to study the complex situations of marriage and family in today’s world, this ground-breaking document is asking the whole Church to promote the sanctity, the beauty and the joy of family life, but to do so with an ever-conscious desire to always meet people where they are, rather than where we prefer them to be. And please, you can practically hear the Pope exhorts us, always be conscious of the complexities in people’s lives. Always, he insists, treat people like adults, and respect their consciences when it comes to moral decisions.
At the July 9 study day we conducted for the Christian Family Life Commission of the Archdiocese of Kuching, the first conference was “On the beauty and the joy of sacramental marriage and Christian family life”.
Desiring to lay stress on the sanctity and beauty of the sacramental marriage and Christian family life, Pope Francis begins with the particular sentiment of joy:
- “The joy of love experienced by families is also the joy of the Church.”
The plan of the text is set out in paragraph 6, while paragraph 7 tells you how you can best benefit from this beautifully rich and very readable text.
There is plenty to offer for general reading as well as for specialised interests: theology of marriage and family, marriage preparation, family planning, children’s education , counseling, outreach to wounded families with the right spirit and attitude, the way of Jesus, and so on. Take your pick. Organise your own study groups.
Designed for this time slot of the first conference, three matters were proposed for reflection.
1. The “two in one flesh”
In a writing style reminiscent of the Lineamenta for the 2015 synod, paragraph 9 of Amoris Laetitia takes us to a Christian home to give us a glimpse of the beauty of the matrimony between a man and a woman, as it is willed by the Creator.
- Let us cross the threshold of this tranquil home, with its family sitting around the festive table. At the centre we see the father and mother, a couple with their personal story of love. They embody the primordial divine plan clearly spoken of by Christ himself: “Have you not read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female?” (Mt 19:4). We hear an echo of the command found in the Book of Genesis: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (Gen 2:24)”.
Then, paragraph 13 explains the meaning of “two in one flesh” in its dual dimensions: the physical (sexual and corporal), and the spiritual (voluntary self-giving in love).
- The very word “to be joined” or “to cleave”, in the original Hebrew, bespeaks a profound harmony, a closeness both physical and interior, to such an extent that the word is used to describe our union with God: “My soul clings to you” (Ps 63:8). The marital union is thus evoked not only in its sexual and corporal dimension, but also in its voluntary self-giving in love. The result of this union is that the two “become one flesh”, both physically and in the union of their hearts and lives, and, eventually, in a child, who will share not only genetically but also spiritually in the “flesh” of both parents.
This bears serious consequence for God and humanity. So paragraph 11 speaks of the couple that loves and begets life:
- The couple that loves and begets life is a true, living icon – not an idol like those of stone or gold prohibited by the Decalogue – capable of revealing God the Creator and Saviour. For this reason, fruitful love becomes a symbol of God’s inner life (cf. Gen 1:28; 9:7; 17:2-5, 16; 28:3; 35:11; 48:3-4).
2. Family as the domestic church
Reading Amoris Laetitia, what impresses us in the first place is the overarching motif of “the domestic church” Pope Francis uses to capture the joy and the sorrows of marital and family life.
In his loving plan, God wants every family to be a holy and happy family – a domus of joy.
If the family is the church of the domus, then the good that we see in the church ought to be reflected in the domus:
- communing and sharing table-fellowship,
- praying and Bible-reading,
- rituals, celebrations,
- forgiveness and reconciliation.
Special note is made of children-blessing, particularly before school and before bed:
- “May the Lord bless you and take care of you; may the Lord be kind and gracious to you; may the Lord make his face shine upon you and give you peace” [Numbers 6:24-26].
Forgiveness builds the family it believes in. Where reconciliation and mutual acceptance are wanting, forgiveness must be practised, however hard it gets. For without forgiveness, families fall sick. Above all, there must be love. For if the family is a domestic church, then, the first and the last principle that characterises and defines it has got to be love. God is love, and to abide in God is to abide in love.
You can draw up your own list of how a church of the home should look like. But one thing is for sure: as a domestic church, the first and the last principle that characterises and defines the family has got to be love. Love produces joy. God is love, and to abide in God is to abide in love.
What is so beautiful about God’s high plan is that the family fulfills its vocation and high purposes [Genesis 1-2] in humble settings and through the warp and woof of ordinary, concrete, daily life. In that life, love holds the key. So Pope Francis names the chapters on love as central chapters in the Exhortation.
3. Saint Paul’s hymn to love
Without doubt, if you have to choose what to read, then you should begin with chapter 4 on love. But if you want to study the text for the controversial issues that gravitate around “irregular” marriages and families and the appropriate pastoral approaches in those areas, you will begin with chapter 8.
For the vast majority of our parishioners, we have no doubt that we will do well to begin with love. So we propose that we keep the vision of the “family as the domestic church” constantly in view, as we turn to St Paul’s hymn to love in chapter 4 of Amoris Laetitia.
“Love” (used 540 times in the text) is an indispensable reality in every marriage and family. It is a word commonly used but often misused. A local priest, Fr. Stephen Lim, said something at a farewell dinner organized in his honour on the eve of his transfer, that hits the mark beautifully. “To speak of the love of God is useless,” he announced and at once got everybody’s attention. “Unless,” he added, “you can feel it, and touch it. Unless, that is, it is concrete.” Love must be concrete, and that is what Pope Francis insists.
In the 1950s, Francis (Frank) Sinatra sang “Love and marriage, love and marriage, they go together like a horse and carriage!” Love is like the engine-room, the horse-power of holy matrimony and the domestic church. Sixty years later, Francis the Pope makes profound and practical meditations on the verses of St Paul’s renowned Hymn to Love in 1 Cor. 13:4-7. Outlining all the various dimensions and manifestations of love in order to provide concrete advice for loving in daily life, Francis insists that St Paul’s twelve features of true love are all concrete and real. Love “must be experienced and nurtured in the daily life of couples and their children.” Love must be relevant “for the concrete situation of every family”.
As the pope affirms the warmth of the first flush of love, and the tenderness of intimacy, however, he describes love in its fullest sense as a hard labour and an enduring friendship. Marriage is a challenge. In it, love is something to be fought for, cultivated, and renewed. Joy is found in “expansion of the heart”. It is not about seeking pleasure, but about the joy of “helping and serving another.” We are all called to be ministers of love.
Pope Francis’ delightful meditation carries an implicit reminder. Imagine, we seem to hear him say, what legacy you are leaving behind for your children and the many generations that will come after them. Would it be love or indifference, or even hatred and unforgiveness? Protect your family’s future and do the hard things in love in the present. Consciously make your home a school of love.
From our perspective, the beautiful commentary penned in paragraphs 90-119 of chapter 4 of Amoris Laetitia on St Paul’s hymn to love is alone worthy of all the excitement surrounding this document. It is well worth reading and re-reading.
Copyright © Dr. Jeffrey & Angie Goh, July 2016. All rights reserved.
You are most welcome to respond to this post. Email your comments to jeffangiegoh@gmail.com. You can also be dialogue partners in this Ephphatha Coffee-Corner Ministry by sending us questions for discussion.